being back from 'home'

Posted on 15/7/2009 at 15:28 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

wednesday july 13th 2009

i spend a great two weeks with the boys in holland. we did some great things, p.e. the museum of avation history in lelyveld (www.aviodrome.nl), loads of swimming since the weather was good. visited all the cousins-twice-around-the-corner. when we left we took the nice weather with us. today it seems like holland in the fall, it has been raining cats and dogs this morning and now it's cloudy and humid. so i got a bit into the 'holland-feeling': baked an apple-crumble pie and read some dutch magazines while being draped on the sofa with a cuppa. i talked to a friend yesterday during a bit of tennis and we must have been a pain in the ..... for the people next to us, but we just had sooooo much to tell after being away. she had been away for two weeks like me. she is french-swiss and she expressed that she could find herself very much in one of the first pieces i wrote about being away from the roots. she is not always so happy being here, also misses things, ecc. and she said "i was happy to be 'home' after two weeks travelling about". and for the first time in years i can say the same. i looooved being back home, but i feel now that my life is very much here in switzerland. how come my feelings have changed? i do not know the answer. but still, looking already for a ticket to go to holland again by myself in october. i feel the need to go once without my family, so i will be able to do a bit more of sightseeing, visiting friends, do just things i like.

why did i change my blog?

Posted on 15/7/2009 at 15:22 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

wednesday july 13th 2009

a couple of weeks ago i tried out another blog site, but i can not find myself in the style. since i wrote a couple of nice pieces, go and have a look: www.dutchwomanabroad.blogspot.com

book review

Posted on 12/7/2009 at 17:41 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

sunday 12 july 2009

a friend of mine wrote on her blog a while ago about being over forty www.styleinside.blogspot.com . last week i was at a cousin's house and found this great book in her library.

shane watson - boven de veertig(nl) - how to meet a meet a man in your forties and other midlife dilemmas solved(eng)

reading the title in english might make you thing it's just a book for single women, but there you are wrong. it's a good read. not an eyeopener, but more a book which confirms loads of things and explains how and why. it's a book with a wink, no great self help or psychology. somethings fall into place and you say "aha!".

p.s. please write to me at dutchwomanabroad@gmail.com for comments. that works best!

everyday a holiday

Posted on 22/5/2009 at 20:37 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

friday 22 may 2009

walking along the lakefront yesterday in locarno, hand-in-hand with my guy was like being on holiday. sun and loads of people since it's a bridge weekend(thursday a holiday so one takes friday off, and has 4 whole days to relax). i hadn't planned to do this, but the oldest son was playing a football tournament in locarno so i went to watch him, and hubby-dear told me there was a boatshow in the harbor. the boats were marvelous and extravagantly priced, but looking doesn't cost a thing. and then i think why don't i go out in the evening or so a bit more often with friends to enjoy the view and the atmosphere? well, for starters, our children are only now big enough to be at home by themselves in the evening for a couple of hours, and ofcourse i am also quite lazy when it comes to leave my comfortable chair in the garden. but i should start to do a bit more before i am too old. 

when i meet another dutchie

Posted on 21/5/2009 at 15:53 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

thursday 21 may 2009

i went on a course in zürich last weekend, learning something to become a better physio. a trainride to the big city, having the friday afternoon for myself to do some walking round and inspirate city smog. it was great, being in a city. passed a couple of hours in a big bookstore, and left with a lighter wallet. going for a cup of coffee, watching the people walk by. next day it was time to do some real exercising with a new gadget. being in this gym i watched the persons around me. and there was one woman that stood out to me as a person i would like to get to know, she was the most like me between a 20 or some crowd. and at one point or another after the introduction of everybody being there, she turned around and said "your dutch, i am also dutch". and i thought "that's why she seemed so nice to me?!". at lunchtime we went out with two other coursemates to grab a bite to eat, and we more or less paired off while walking. the usual "where are you from, how come you live here, what do you do, etc". we hit it off quite nicely, same frequency. before starting after lunch our small group went to have some coffee and she said to the others "it's not that we don't like you guys, no offence, it's just that........" and then one of the swissies said "yeh, we know you dutchies, it is always the same, when you meet up, you just have to talk and talk and talk.....". i will probably never see this woman again, but i felt so at ease with her, so at home, it was the cherry on the cake that day for me. (well, dear p. if you looked into my blog, you see this is about YOU, take care, it was great meeting you) .

the handywoman

Posted on 12/5/2009 at 20:09 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

tuesday 12 may 2009

eventhough i grew up and lived for ages in a big city, the haque and later amsterdam, i am finding the outdoorsy girl in my self(i never imagined that that could be possible). the first years here in ticino went by with living in a green surrounding, mountains all about, rivers to swim in summer and build sand castles near in winter, ecc., ecc. i was outside a lot with the kids doing whatever you do with kids, going for runs, and so on. but now we got the old house up in the mountains, i got to let out another side of myself: the handywoman who loves being outdoors. living in a big city i also got to handle different tools: hammer, drill, paintbrush, and whatever else you need for a bit of house renovating. but what we are into now, isn't just house renovation. you could put us on one of those shows where viewers question the sanity of 'the builders/buyers' of a ruin. in our case it's not really honest, because hubby-dear his profession is to make something out of those ruins. but for me it's new. so, my work has been slow, and to show hubby-dear that i don't want him to do everything, i planned some days by myself up at the house doing whatever i can do. i think the house is a bit spooky. at the end of a village, no neighbours there at this time of the year(4 persons live there year round), so the dog had to come along to "protect me". she doesn't leave my side, so must be also quite scared. since we got a woodstove a couple of years ago i, who wants to be able to do anything in case one day the man won't be around the house anymore, already learned to handle an axe and a chain saw(brooooombroooom). but now i get to handle new toys. so today i went up to put 3 fruit trees into the ground. bought the trees, fencing material to ward of the wildlife and village goats, loads of wooden poles(if you hand them the other way up stakes for a witch,hihihiihihihihi), nails. hubby-dear told me the rest would be up there. i found a shovel, a pickaxe, a hammer, a folding ruler, but i didn't find the sledge hammer with was the most important tool for me. f...! the only one home was the goatguy. so i went to the goatguy and he had a sledge hammer, had to put in a small wedge because it was a bit loose. well, i hammered three times on a pole, the iron part flew off, rolled down the hill and i had to go after it. s...! then i tried to hammer the pole down with the hammer, which broke ofcourse. then i had the pickaxe left. keeping it on it's side, hammering away with the iron part was an option! and it worked for a while. phoned up hubby to complain. he was sure that there should be a small sledge hammer. i went and looked around. our friends know how our garage looks,a mess, can't find a thing. okay, i did find the thing. it was way smaller than the one i was looking for. it was somewhere in the mess. after three hours the job was done, and i was proud of myself, me city girl gotten the job done all by herself. so what's next? i don't know yet, but i can handle lots.....

my face

Posted on 2/5/2009 at 19:56 - 1 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

saturday 2 may 2009

i am sure my father and mother tried their best, but the product of their conjunction is one with a face of 13 to the dozen. of the billons of people living on this planet, about 20 million are my lookalikes. loads of people seem to know me, mistake me for someone else. i don't think this is funny. i even have friends who look like me, or i like them. poor things. luckily one moved away, one less for me! and another one lives nearby, y. y.'s ex-husband and my hubby were best friends. and people would come up to them and say "how nice you married two sisters". everytime i had something going on in the hospital where y. works, her co-workers would call her and say "your sister is here". with her i enjoy the similarity. but what similarity: she's a hairdresser-blond with blue eyes and i am dark blond with brown eyes. a couple of years ago we accepted our destiny and from then on we were 'sisters'. i am an only child, so it fits me quite well. yesterday we went walking as so often. we didn't go 'walkabout'. we program where we go, if necessary with a map, and it has to take at least 2 hours. my hubby does 'walkabout' once in a while. when someone calls our house and asks if he is around, i will tell them he's gone 'walkabout'. "say what?". then i will explain that 'walkabout' is an aboriginal tradition. the aboriginal at least once in a lifetime does it. there is the inner feeling of needing to go where ever nature leads one. my hubby does the same thing. he'll be driving his truck and see an interesting sign of a bar, pulls over, stops and goes in for a beer. he'll hop back into his truck and continue his way until he sees something else that inspires him, another bar or the car of friend parked near a bar, ecc. many times men will go 'walkabout' together. it might take upto 6 hours to do a distance of 25 km! wife of hubby's friends says "ok, but tomorrow morning you come 'walkabout' in the shopping mall with me and don't forget your wallet! i don't mind as long as hubby gets home in time and sober enough to cook us diner. but getting back to me, my regular face and my sista. yesterday we went walked a long way, and how incredible, we were talking for 2 1/2 hours without a break. i had my photocamera along to make some shots of the path and surroudings and maybe a photo or two of us to put on facebook. so we got talking about photo's. she went on a one month trip with her love and he took zillions of photos, and on every single one she looked like a horse. upperlip curling upwards and outwards. well, i am the same. only if you look at photo you see that darwin was right, our ancestors were apes, it totally hits home with me. i just look like a freaking ape! my good feature (my lips, big and red), small eyes, and a pronounced yaw. oh, i wished i was at least a bit photogenic. the worst story i can tell about me and photos is the time i tried to get a job in italy. as required i sent my curriculum with pasport photo, and in no time i got the response that i was accepted to take the job as a physio for a handicapped 30+ lady in sardegna. at the airport her husband was there to pick me up, and was startled when he met me. he had my photo in his hand and asked me at least 5 times if that was me. "yeah, why else do you think i am here?". he said his wife had picked out the most ugly girl of the lot, so she wouldn't be jealous having me about for 2 months. he looked me up and down and was considering sending me back, because he would have a hell of a problem with his wife. i got to stay. i'm not a total freak, i do not have to go around with a bag on my head, i am quite okay, only on photo's that's another story.

koninginnedag

Posted on 30/4/2009 at 13:57 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

thursday 30 april 2009

it's a big day today in the netherlands, it's 'koninginnedag'(queens day). the whole country is dressed and draped in orange, hence the family of orange. everybody has the day off, not counting the royal family and the police. koninginnedag is the day to celebrate the birthday of the queen. it started 31 august 1885, the birthday of queen wilhelmina. it was a day to celebrate the togetherness of the people. when queen juliana came to power, the day was changed to her b-day, 30 april. beatrix has her b-day on 31 january, but officially it's today. when queen juliana was still reigning, it was a little less exciting. the royal family would stand on the step of palace 't loo, wave a lot, and take presents from a parade of people walking by. at that time there was the big joke that every 'ever so thoughful' present would end up behind the rhododendron bordering the step. the royals would flip all the junk behind there. then you get me talking about junk. my mother worked for many years as a secretary in the office of the queen. she had things to tell. ofcourse no secrets. there is a storage room where all the gifts are kept(for a certain peroid) which the queen recieves by mail. dutch people will send her every single day very nice presents like knitted underwear, aprons, pieces of soap, ties, writing paper and loads of stuff. you see why the dutch mail company got so rich? and the office mailman would be able to seek out the love letters to our princes because the stank so much of parfume. but let me get back to koninginnedag. since bea is head of state, the celebration is different. the royal family will visit one or two towns, play along silly games, take in flowers, smile and applaud to lots of crap. the good thing is 'no gifts', "that doesn't fit into my handbag". i'm quite sure it's the most dreaded day for the royals. this year their weapon was the swine flu, but the vials got lost in the mail so they had to get up this morning.

               amsterdam is the big centre of the celebration for the dutch. everyone wants to be there. but in all the cities there is something going on. a big hit is the 'vrijmarkt'(free market), aka selling things you don't need anymore. what really makes me laugh is all those dutch people i know around here(in ticino) who are always bragging about amsterdam and the 'big' day, they haven't lived in the place and it seems like they've done it all. i am allowed to brag, i lived in 'a'dam', so it's my turf. they're just like all the other farmers dressing up and going away for the day feeling fashionable and extravagant. i am proud to be dutch, i love my royal family, and i am so sad that i am not there to have a great day. and the togetherness about which the day started, is really felt, everybody happy, black, white, brown, yellow and red.

friday 1 may 2009

you must have heard. this 'koninginnedag' wasn't a happy day. some freak tried to hurt the royal family. people who were watching the parade lost their lives because the maniac tore with his car thru a crowd stearing towards the bus carrying the royals. it might have been the last time, this celebration, maybe the day will be uninstalled as a holiday. and that all because of one person. a pity he died during the night. we remain not knowing his reason, and he goes without punishment. but maybe it's better like this. he would have been found mentally instable and then 'the dutch' would have had to pay for his treatment and stay in an institution. i'm so sorry for the people who were present at the site, for those who lost family, ecc. just 1 person out of 17 million ruined the day for once and for all.

my sons growing up wild - II

Posted on 21/4/2009 at 20:02 - 1 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

tuesday 21 aprile 2009

so during the vacation the sons didn't just go on the mountain tops with their walkietalkies. they also went down underground. with a couple of friends they had a good look at the sewer system of tegna. accompanied by flashlights, they saw everything that you usually you don't see. they had a very good collaboration. two kids would stay above ground with a walkietalkie and being there to lift up sewer lids whenever necessary and the others would crawl about in every tube they could find. that's adventurous! at night talking to their father, he still remembered every curve from when he was young. in all those years nothing has changed ofcourse. so these things must be like an initiation to grow up. how lucky my boys are to grow up in a place where you aren't confined. pity for the children who live in big cities where going outside might already be a problem. so they started their initiation route. knowing what's a head of them, i'm not excited about everything. the worst and last obstacle is hopefully still a long way away: jumping at 'pozzo' from the 18 meter railing, and for the very brave the 25 meter tube, into the river where there is a spot of about 6 square meters where you are supposed to land. if you don't land there, you just smack on the rocks in the water. i recall a friend who jumped for me from 25 meters in the first summer i was here. he had done it numerous times. but at thirty something he'd lost his trade. he did it, but later on told me 'never again'.

my sons growing up wild

Posted on 21/4/2009 at 15:46 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

tuesday 21 aprile 2009

i think my two sons(11 1/2 and 13 years) are growing up in a fantastic setting. we live at the foot of a mountain range with rocky patches and meadows and trees, at a meeting point of two rivers with numerous small (sand and pebble and rock) beaches and woods bordering the streams. they don't always look around and say 'this is a great place to live'. usually they will moan like other (pre-)teenagers of being bored. but this easter vacation was a change from the very well known vacation stress of trying to keep them occupied. they were really exicted when the ages ago ordered walkietalkies came in the mail. it was supposed to be their springbreak present from me, but it took weeks to arrive. anyway, the walkietalkies came. so a couple of hours into their vacation they took of with a friend and their new acquired toys. the big one calls me by cellphone an hour or so after they were gone and told me to have a look out of the window to see where they were.

i had to look to the moutain side of the house. and then i saw them waving like crazy. having walked up from 255 m to 464 m they had arrived at the forcola. and that included little boy who is a very lazy bugger! a quarter of an hour big boy called again and said 'guess where we are now?' another climb to 529 m arriving at the rovine de castelliere.     

the next day the boys asked me to come up to the "castle' with them. hear, hear, two small teenagers inviting old mom to join them is special. so we went, took our dog along and their friend. and after half an hour or so we arrived and they took me to their lookout place.         

and big boy said 'mom isn't this the most beautiful place you ever saw', i totally had to agree with him!

starting in ticino

Posted on 18/4/2009 at 06:11 - 1 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

saturday 18 april 2009

just got an e-mail from my friend o. she's back in her country now, but years ago we were here in ticino and became good friends. after being around a bit, i came to ticino in july 1993. and i started to work as a physio in a home for the elderly. that wasn't my favorite job, but i had to start in an 'institution' to get my permit. i had started on my own in a new place several times(will write about that another time) and it wasn't uncomfortable to me. i got around quite well, got to know people. but then in septemer 1993 o. came into my life! that was great. she started to work as a nurse in the place where i was. she came from germany, my mother's country, and it felt just right for both of us. we became a couple for partying, hanging around, exercising, talking, stuff that girls do. as so often happens in my life, i actually don't recall a thing it seems. no, i do recall somethings. like o. and i drinking 'frizzantino' a lot at bar regina. oh my dear, it was sweet and bubbely, and we felt so sophisticated(sometimes we talk about that wine, and say we couldn't swallow it anymore for the world, it was just so whatever...). going to the market in luino and do crazy things. oh dear, oh dear, we were just girls. me 27, she 26, we were on top of the world! being in an 'italian' surrounding, with lots of men with italian blood. it was just great. party, party, party. we found loves, we lost loves, we laughed, we cried, we created a beautiful friendship. and then after a year or so o. decided to go back to germany. i was sad, but she didn't move a way too far, only a 3 1/2 hours drive. when she was leaving also my life took a new turn, my looking for love was finally over.... i met HIM. i didn't feel the loss too much knowing she and i could meet easily, i wasn't loosing her, she was just not around the corner anymore. being suddenly without your other half isn't easy. but i just flowed over from relationship(girlie-girlie) into relationship(i pronounce you ... husband and wife). o. met a nice man(spanish!) when she settled in germany and had a son one month before me. and then we both had another son a bit further apart. so for years we've been driving back and forth between locarno and her place, packed up with diapers, strollers, bikes, walkman's, gameboys. the four boys they speak italian, spanish, dutch and german between them, and everything gets across. for me her place was always a refuge to go when the small town would get to me, when i would feel to cooped up, when i was homesick. whenever we are together it feel so like being at home. we don't see each other that often anymore. from four, five times a year, it's down to twice a year(our sons take up lots of time with sports). and then this dicembre, i went ALONE for the first time. strange. no excited sons who were anxious to see their friends, no fighting boys in the car, no screaming mother in the car, no twenty pit stops for peeing, i stopped as always in heidiland to have acuppa, i sang on the top of my lungs thru falling snow on the s. bernadino. i drive the way with my eyes closed more or less. it's like being a bird. i have this internal navigation system which tells me where to turn, which road to take. don't ask me the names of places, the numbers of roads, i just flow. and then i arrive and see and hug and everything is perfect. my friend o., she is one of the best things that going abroad gave me.

away from home

Posted on 7/4/2009 at 20:37 - 1 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

tuesday 7 april 2009

i wrote my friend s. i would write a piece about me being in the usa. s. is a friend, eventhough we haven't met since dicembre 1991, and we found out we still think about each other regularly. i went away from home from an early age on. i went regularly to visit my grandmother(the one from knitting) and visited family and friends all around. i had many occasions where i went to stay with friends of my parents or relatives. i went to germany, england and belgium. but it was always a week or two. the first time i really left home was at 17. i went as an exchange student to the us of a. i went to many of the preparing weekends of being an exchange student, and had great hopes of landing in an exclusive place. time passing by, i heared i was going either to west-virginia or ohio. and i just hoped to go to west-v. but ofcourse, murphy's law, i went to ohio. what a disappointment! i felt like not going anymore. but anyway i went. everything was paid for, so i had to go. and i left in august of 1983 for toledo. the last place on earth i wanted to go. i came to live in a family where on first encounter, i had a negative encounter with my 'host' father. i came into a family with two girls(i hoped to find to 'sisters' since i am an only child), both younger than i was. and the whole story only lasted three months. from there on i was set up with another family, who didn't have children, but had hosted many other youngsters. there i felt very welcome, finally. i came just before thanksgiving, and it was thanksgiving. me not being the most beautiful girl, not the most popular girl, i found it quite hard to fit into high school. but here i found two adults who really cared about me. and then on the bus from genoa to oregon(a suburb to toledo) i found my friend s. the family where i lived had no children, but s.'s family made up for that. i think at the time they were 10 children. i spent many nights at their house and felt fully integrated. s. and i stayed in touch for many years. but it's a long way from the states to the netherlands. now being on facebook i got in contact with s.'s brother, and we shared memories about that year. but where i would like to get to is, that eventhough i still have letters, photo's and memories, i think i was too young to embrace the possibility of feeling the emotions of a new life which was given to me. i never used the time being away enough. i would like to relive that time, and make more of it. and i am just very sorry i didn't live it to the max. if i would go now, i would probably have more memories of my experiences. i am very glad my parents gave me the opportunity to have this experience because i grew a lot. having to decide many things on my own. but i have a very nice feeling when i think of the times that i spent with my second host-family and s.'s family, and maybe that's enough.

spring poem - I

Posted on 29/3/2009 at 11:21 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

sunday 29 march 2009

rain

water rushing down the mountains

a carpet of cherry blossom petals on the street

greenery sprouting

i look out the window and wait

ticino, and then.....

Posted on 28/3/2009 at 11:30 - 2 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

saturday 28 march

a couple of years ago i was talking to my friend a., who moved here from denmark in 1993 like me, about where might we go after ticino. it's not like we were planning to go anywhere, but sometimes you get talking about stuff. at the end of our discussion i, we, came to the conclusion that we have found a great spot: all year round loads of sun, living in the middle of nature(great for the kids), having the possibility to go swimming in the lake or a river in summer, skiing in winter, sun not going down to early in summer, not to far away from 'home'. there wasn't another place in the world we could come up with where we would find all those things we have and we love. i didn't leave holland to not go back there, it just happened. and i am happy where i am now.

multi-culti

Posted on 28/3/2009 at 11:16 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

saturday 28 march 2009

how nice for my children to grow up in ticino being from a mixed family. with mixed i mean parents from different nations. ticino is a rural place. the 'big' cities aren't big. and there is a lot of small mindedness. but is also a place where many foreigners come and live, wanting to live in a not too hectic surrounding(although the 'ticinesi' are always stressed, they would not last one week in london, paris, amsterdam or new york), with more sun then where they came from, living the relaxed life. why do i think it's nice for my kids? because i grew up in the hague, with a german-dutch mother who always spoke german to me and all the children in school would laugh at me and her and ask me why my mother would speak such a stupid language. that hurt me so much that i wouldn't speak german with my mother anymore after first grade. when i was about twelve or so we picked up german again as our main language, because i realized i liked speaking it and i couldn't care less about what other people would say, i was an outcast anyway. i was a bit envious at my children when they started kindergarten, because half of the children in their class would speak two languages at home! there was no making fun of a parent being different.  in a class of about 20 children the ticino dialect, italian, swiss-german, german, french, thai, danish, serbian and dutch was spoken.

driving in the beginning of spring

Posted on 26/3/2009 at 15:00 - 1 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

thursday 26 march 2009

this morning is one of those days where i know why i am still living here. driving forth and back to bellinzona very early. at 7 it was not that spectaculair, but at 8 it was beautiful! mountains with snowhats on, vineyards on hills, a splendid sun. eventhough i have to work today, being inside for like 10 hours, this morning i was on a one hour holiday!

i am not the only one.....

Posted on 24/3/2009 at 12:39 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

tuesday 24 march 2009

just a short one this time. i do something, a big no-no in child education, namely watching television at breakfast. i get up and while i am preparing breakfast i watch/listen the DUTCH news. when the children sit down at the table, i just leave it on. sure we could be talking, but we just talked the evening before at the dinner table and when bringing them to bed. and during the night i don't think life changing or -threatening things come up(if so, i'll shut off the tv ofcourse!). in the evening we usually have better things to do than watch the news; if we watch it, it's from ticino only. maybe it's also a good thing the morning news, because the children at least once a day see what's happening and we talk about it in the moment. they have real news on this show, and also entertainment, and there was where i was trying to get. it was in the news, everybody is doing it. knitting, it's a big hype in holland, knitting. so i am a trendsetter, remember my story a couple of weeks ago. if you want to be hip, follow me!

i'm not the only on abroad

Posted on 22/3/2009 at 13:02 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

sunday 22 march 2009

thursday the 19th it was father's day in ticino, s. giuseppe, that's a holiday for everyone. not for my hubby because he organizes with a bunch of guys from our village a happening for the people of our community and whoever wants to join in. they make a kind of berliner which are called "tortelli", they have a lottery and "bingo"(my favorite, ahum ,barf, barf). and everybody is drinking, eating, talking and having a good time. before this affair started at 13.30, we we're having some lunch with the co-hosts. and then came some women from peru to aks for money. they got 20 franks and we thought that the end of it. about ten minues later came 2  mini buses and a car filled with peruvians......and a whole stock of junk(i'm sorry i call it that, for me everything that's not vital is junk). three women, four men and two little girls about two years old. they walked about, took place against a wall. and then the women came over to ask if they could put up their market stands. officially they can't if they don't have a permit. we don't like them selling their things arounds. and that counts for everyone. also the nasty guy who sells tons of junk and not allowed fireworks at carnevale for outrages prices! if "we" organize something it's not done to come and try to sell your stuff, you gain without effort, usually they don't ever ask permission.(f...ing parasites!) so these peruvian men were very sly, they sent the women. how can a man decline to a woman? ofcourse the guys said yes, who would have said no. the orgnizers do everything as a volunteer, so they know what good it does to help someone. and then i thought my life is tons better than those peruvians. i think about the days and evenings when the peruvians at all kinds of events are trying to sell their products (of which many are very nice, just not useful to me) and they have toddlers walking around until maybe two in the morning, babies lying on the floor waiting till their parents are finished. i'm ashamed of myself many times complaining about my life when i see those folks. i have everything and they have nothing. they came to europe and hoped for a better life. but to live in buses, driving around switzerland, trying to make a living, being treated like sh.. by many, not be able to go home, etc., is probably not what they thought it would be like. my being abroad is bearable, actually it's not that bad, it's kinda nice......i have the possibility to make a choice 'stay or go'(more or less). i do not think they have another option as to stay here and make it work oneway or another.

being away

Posted on 17/3/2009 at 19:14 - 1 Comments - Post Comment - Link

DUTCHWOMANABROAD

tuesday 17 march 2009

my friend j. (a dutch guy) sent me an e-mail which i read this morning and he said he'd like to read more about me "being away". he's been living in the states since 1991. and he wrote to me what he feels: "it seems like i am not there in this country where i live. not to take part and still to take part at the same time, not belonging and belonging. the feeling of less responsibility, which is great". i can share these feeling completely with him.

okay, i left my country for a job, in my line of work there was quite a bit of unemployment. i had been abroad before, and i wanted to see more before i would settle in the netherlands. i never intended to not return! so i had two jobs abroad and travelled a bit and after a year i ended up in ticino. after  a year of work in ticino, i encountered the moment i decided i'd stick around for another two or three months and then i'd try to get a job in another country, and then i met the love of my life......and now we are almost 15 years down the road. what do i feel? i feel alone most of the time. maybe that's just the way i am, maybe i would also feel alone living in holland. eventhough i work here and have contact with the people here, it never goes further it seems. in the beginning i would cry my eyes out and tell my love that i just wouldn't be excepted by the native women. and he would always tell me it was my fault, that i was not flexible, until he spoke to two other girls(from only another part of switzerland!) who had been living here then already for many years. they confirmed him that it's almost impossible to "get in". years have passed and i have adjusted to living here. i try to see the positive side. it's a great place to grow up for my children, every day seems like being on vacation because of the weather and the surroudings. but i still miss "home". i miss my mother(my father has gone to better places), i miss my two cousins and i miss my friend whom i know since i was 2 years old. i miss the way i can talk, i can behave with my people. the girls i have contact with are all foreigners, we're in the same boat(being confirmed by responses to my first piece on my blog). but how can we expect to come to a country and be taken in with open arms because we're the ones they have been waiting for their whole lives??? the native girls have been growing up together, have tight bonds, and if you want to be part of their circle you have to just have to get lucky. okay, put me to the test: would i move back to holland? my hubby was born and bread here, for him it's not an option to move to my country. the kids are,as i am, strangely torn between both countries. they always tell me the best option would be having the netherlands around the corner, so they can do their dutch stuff at any moment. i do not have an option. i do not want to leave my partner, so i stay and make the best of it. luckely he is my family, my confident, my almost everything. but still my heart aches for feeling at ease, not to be torn between two places.

my friend j. asked me if he could also write something about "being away", so here he goes:

hence the title dutchwomanabroad.

the urge of belonging or fitting in is less for me, not sure if it is a gender issue(since my sister had some problems fitting in with the greek woman). for me, dutchguyabroad, it has been almost 20 years ago that i left my wet frogland(natte kikkerlandje) and moved to the big us of a.

from being the "townclown" BK(before kids), to a PT practice owner and family man i have "sort of" accepted the not belonging. talking about the differences between the dutch and the americans hasn't cured anything in the contrary it makes the differences stand out more. first off all there are so many differences and i can't change the view of americans. i can only show the differences.

the people i connect with, i treasure and call them  !more! than acquaintances(as a safety precaution) but not friends.

choosing to be different is hard but powerful. i don't have to worry if i am belonging to something, something and therefore have less political, emotional attachment/bonding.

the only people, like l. says, i am close to is my immediate family and those people i willingly let them look into my heart and hurt it, love it.

by living by this "rule" i simplified my live. the consequences are that you(as in me) don't belong to a society, a club, and don't have "friends" like the rest. but ... does the rest consider having friends when they belong to a club, etc?? is my question.

being in the netherlands, walking on cobblestones, cycling over the bridges of amsterdam, breathing the air, walking on the beach, once a year is good for me, it brings out "being dutch again" and feels as being whole again. as happy as i am to be in the netherlands, leaving with a fresh and open vision feels as good if not better. i have new thoughts, new plans and being dutch again to attack the world. this feeling tapers off after 2 or 3 months and i let myself be lulled into a comfortable numbness that's been presented to me and gratefully accepted.

EASTER POEM

Posted on 16/3/2009 at 07:22 - 0 Comments - Post Comment - Link

dutchwomanabroad

the easter bunny is on it's way,

and it's been travelling since valentine's day

easter egg and chocolate bunny,

they're all around and it ain't funny

i must not buy, not eat, not fail,

or i surely will tip the scale

i must, i must resist temptation,

or otherwise i will have even bigger thighs on vacation

oh dear lord, oh dear angels, go tell the people of the shop,

to take everything away so my agony will stop